I'd thank my lucky stars.

It's about damn time I got myself blogging again! Seriously, when was the last time I did this?

Those of you who have me on Facebook may have noticed that a few days ago I posted about being grateful to both my students and instructors for everything they've done for me. Well, here it comes again:

Thank you, thank you, and thank you again!

First, to my students: you are the ones I truly get to share my passion with. I watch you grow, gaining strength and confidence, and it reminds me how important it is to persevere. So often I get caught up and forget that, as much as I am a teacher, I am still a student as well. Never stop learning, and aim to learn from as many qualified and talented people as you possibly can!

Second, to my teachers: whether you taught me to dance, to pole, to stretch, to strengthen, to smile and everything else in between, you have all helped build me up and trained me to be an athlete and an artist. I cannot thank you enough for pushing me and always opening my eyes to new possibilities. I admire you all for the energy and encouragement you bring to all your students, and I try to channel that every time I get up in front of a class.

Finally, to my friends and family, both in and outside of the pole community: your support over the years has been invaluable in my journey to this point. I have never been happier than I am now, and that is all because of the love and understanding you have shared with me. Looking back, I find it hard to believe how far I've come, especially in the past year. Not only am I in the best physical shape of my life, but I feel emotionally and mentally sound and fulfilled. I have met people from so many different walks of life and have had my mind opened in ways I couldn't have imagined. More than anything else, I have grown to have a better understanding of myself as a person and can honestly say that I love myself.

I truly am overwhelmed by how much pole has changed my life. I never would have pictured my life the way it is today, but given the choice, I wouldn't change a single thing. Thank you all for being a part of it and allowing me to be a part of yours.

Could I push through the pain?

Okay, so I'm actually talking about "artist" in the performance sense, but clearly my visual art skills are pretty kick-ass.

As an aspiring pole artist and athlete, I'm used to pain; bruises, calluses, pole burn and torn skin are all regular parts of the training process, not to mention muscle aches and stiffness. These are all fun things to deal with, right? Depends on your attitude, I guess. Personally, I embrace them as badges of honour. Every bruise is a new trick conquered. It actually frustrates me when I get one of those invisible bruises that can be felt, but never actually surfaces on the skin. I like being able to show off these badges and share the accomplishments behind them with my fellow polers. They should be celebrated and accepted with a sense of humour and pride.

As a budding choreographer (at least attempting to be one), I also encounter pains. However, the vast majority of these pains are psychological rather than physical. I'm becoming more and more accustomed to hitting metaphorical walls. It's so easy to see the steps in your head. When creating the choreography, everything flows, every move is flawless; the dancer is always strong enough, always flexible enough, always show-stoppingly expressive. Bringing the piece to life is where the hitches and snags come into play. Reality kicks in and weaknesses are thrown into shocking relief. It can be damn near impossible to push through when things aren't working the way you planned.

Most of the time, I'm choreographing for myself, so it can be disappointing to realize that I'm actually not strong enough to execute a move I'd envisioned, or that my flexibility isn't extensive enough to impress an audience the way I had hoped. Taking it all in stride, I'm continually reminding myself that everything comes through experience. The next routine will be better than the one I'm currently working on, and the one after that will be better still. In order to grow as an artist and a choreographer, I have to actually push through the frustrations, mental and physical blocks, and just keep doing what I'm doing. Not every routine is going to turn out the way I want, but eventually one will. One day, one of my pieces will turn out exactly as I envision it. I think that will be the moment I can officially call myself a choreographer and a true artist.

I'd cue it up!

I don't know about all you other polers out there, but I often struggle when it comes to choreographing a routine. I get brilliant ideas in my head for certain songs, but when it comes to actually bringing ideas to life (or even just to paper!) I fall flat. There are several songs that I've been listening to for quite some time now, and I do have ideas for them, but when I sit down to make notes about specific choreography, I blank on what to write, or when I get into the studio to hash things out, I just stumble around for an hour or two with no real results.

Well, I'm taking a new approach! A few months back I watched a video put out by Studio Veena on her YouTube channel (video can be found here) that broke the process down in a very basic way. One point she made that stuck with me was to write down moves, spins, and combinations on cue cards so they can be pieced together and rearranged. So I went ahead and did that.

Being the coordination freak that I am, I took it one step further and colour-coded the different types of moves: green for floor work (or just stuff away from the pole), yellow for climbs, orange for drops, pink for spins, and blue for everything else (poses, mounts, inverts, etc). For the most part, I only made cards for moves that I already have in my repertoire. A couple are ones I've only nailed a handful of times, but haven't had too much difficulty and should improve quickly. There are two or three I haven't been able to get, but wrote out for inspiration's sake in hopes of learning them quickly. Of course, there are on-going work-in-progress tricks like Iron X and Starfish that I didn't even bother including since they're taking so long to master.

So there's my first step done (first several steps if you go by Studio Veena's instructions, since I've also got some music and some ideas). Aside from choreography, I'm finding the cue cards are a neat way to put together combinations I might not have otherwise thought to try. Having a distinct list of the moves I can consistently do is a good idea for any poler. Think of the satisfying feeling of watching that stack of cards grow as you learn and add tricks to the pile. I haven't had a chance to really put them to use for a routine yet, but be sure to check out my YouTube channel since I plan on following up this entry with a vlog of my cue card progress in the next week or two!

I'd resolve to do better.

Isn't that the truth? The ball drops and we all sing and kiss and resolve to do better, to be healthier, to work harder.

In the last few months, I've felt that end-of-year guilt. It's winter and it's cold and I just want to stay in my cozy little apartment where it's warm and the world can't get me. The guilt edges into my mind when I see pictures and videos of friends and fellow polers striving and achieving their goals; they're moving forward while I simply sit, frustrated with my plateau but just lazy enough to not do anything about it. And for weeks I've comforted myself with the excuse that December is too busy, the holidays take up too much time and energy, and I'll make my change in the new year.

Enter 2014.

Yesterday I spent four hours in the studio. I mainly practiced my handstands because they've become my top goal as of late. Unfortunately, this has turned my recent "pole" time into "floor" time. I love the feeling that my handstands are getting stronger, that I can hold for that split second more than I could before, but I need to refocus and get back on the pole. I've found that when I have done legitimate pole work lately (although I would never admit it aloud) I shy away from tricks that I've done without any problems for years. Somehow my mind has logged them as "painful" and my body has lost its ability to push through the pain. I guess lack of practice can do that to a person. From the time I started pole dancing, I always judged myself to have a high pain tolerance. "Yes, it hurts, but I nailed it, and success outweighs the physical pain."

Yesterday I started out with handstands, but when I felt the urge (as I have many times lately) to call it a day and bail out of practice, I pressed on. I took hold of that 45mm chrome and once again turned my world upside down. I pushed through the pain and achieved the trending trick of 2013: Dragon's Tail, a move created by the talented Charlee Shae Wagner. From the time she first posted this twisted pose, it exploded within the pole community. For months I watched picture after picture appear online as friends and friends of friends took their turns. I kept saying, "I want to try that one! I want to show that I'm on par with the group". So finally I stopped making excuses. I stopped giving in to that little voice that kept saying "you're tired... let's go home and watch some TV. You worked on handstands. That's enough". It's not enough.

I resolve to do better. I resolve to make 2014 the Year of the Pole. This will be the year of Iron X and Starfish and Fonji. No more listening to that little voice. No more excuses. No more bailing out.