I'd resolve to do better.

Isn't that the truth? The ball drops and we all sing and kiss and resolve to do better, to be healthier, to work harder.

In the last few months, I've felt that end-of-year guilt. It's winter and it's cold and I just want to stay in my cozy little apartment where it's warm and the world can't get me. The guilt edges into my mind when I see pictures and videos of friends and fellow polers striving and achieving their goals; they're moving forward while I simply sit, frustrated with my plateau but just lazy enough to not do anything about it. And for weeks I've comforted myself with the excuse that December is too busy, the holidays take up too much time and energy, and I'll make my change in the new year.

Enter 2014.

Yesterday I spent four hours in the studio. I mainly practiced my handstands because they've become my top goal as of late. Unfortunately, this has turned my recent "pole" time into "floor" time. I love the feeling that my handstands are getting stronger, that I can hold for that split second more than I could before, but I need to refocus and get back on the pole. I've found that when I have done legitimate pole work lately (although I would never admit it aloud) I shy away from tricks that I've done without any problems for years. Somehow my mind has logged them as "painful" and my body has lost its ability to push through the pain. I guess lack of practice can do that to a person. From the time I started pole dancing, I always judged myself to have a high pain tolerance. "Yes, it hurts, but I nailed it, and success outweighs the physical pain."

Yesterday I started out with handstands, but when I felt the urge (as I have many times lately) to call it a day and bail out of practice, I pressed on. I took hold of that 45mm chrome and once again turned my world upside down. I pushed through the pain and achieved the trending trick of 2013: Dragon's Tail, a move created by the talented Charlee Shae Wagner. From the time she first posted this twisted pose, it exploded within the pole community. For months I watched picture after picture appear online as friends and friends of friends took their turns. I kept saying, "I want to try that one! I want to show that I'm on par with the group". So finally I stopped making excuses. I stopped giving in to that little voice that kept saying "you're tired... let's go home and watch some TV. You worked on handstands. That's enough". It's not enough.

I resolve to do better. I resolve to make 2014 the Year of the Pole. This will be the year of Iron X and Starfish and Fonji. No more listening to that little voice. No more excuses. No more bailing out.